JAMB WILL JAM YOU

The first time it was prophesied that Jamb would jam you was the day you went to register for UME at the cyber cafe behind Mama Linus’ bole and groundnut spot. You’d excitedly bounced beside your mother to Chude’s cyber cafe, but by the end of the visit, you wished you hadn’t gone to the prophet of doom. After telling Chude you wanted to apply for medicine and surgery at the University of Lagos, he’d told you to ‘come again’ while drumming in his ears to make sure they weren’t interpreting the wrong signal.

Still excited, you’d repeated, head high, shoulder pad almost touching the ceiling, “I want to study medicine at the University of Lagos, the University of First Choice, and Nation’s Pride.” Your mother, too, joined in chattering about how you’d be the first doctor in the Akpofure family. You had the brains, weren’t afraid of seeing blood, and also had bad handwriting like those fine doctors in general hospitals. Your village people were in trouble!

While your mother was still speaking, Chude began to shake his head and laugh. It was irritating because your mother also joined in, thinking he was happy for you. You thought him an enemy of progress when he finally said, “Sha be ready for anything. Jamb can jam you.”

But Tega, Jamb did jam you. The first time, you were given Zoology after scoring 267. The second time, you were disqualified on the basis of ‘wrong subject combination.’ The third time, your excitement had dampened, but you were still hopeful after reading the story of the woman who got her dream course after trying for eight years. God is able to enable the unable to be, innit? Unfortunately, that year, Jamb denied your admission to UNILAG and offered you a substitutional admission to a university in Burkina Faso. From where to where? What did we carry, and what did we throw? The fourth time, you were ready to accept anything. Jamb was the pharaoh in your life. You told God you’d serve him all your life if they let you go and become a university boy. Some of your secondary school classmates were already in their final year. Your younger brother would soon write UME. And praise be to the Lord, Jamb offered you agriculture education.

The excitement returned tenfold. Your family did Thanksgiving in church for two Sundays. You proceeded to pay and fulfill the university’s requirements. However, whenever you told people your course, you noticed the happiness in their eyes would go dim. So, you resorted to calling the name of your course in a rush, saying you’d later transfer to another course in your second year. Like that, you begin to feel miserable and lose hold of the excitement. Again.

Sounds familiar? Are you a Tega, a fresher with a dislike for his course? Well, we have good news for you! We’ve prepared a list of steps you can take to make the most of whatever course Jamb has jammed you with. Read them below:

1. You are not alone

A little consolation? A thousand Tegas with similar experiences have gone before you, and they scaled through more elated than ever. It might sound cliche. You might even have heard this so much that it no longer strikes a chord. But I tell you, my friend, you are not alone.

As classes resume, you’ll meet coursemates with different stories and experiences. Some might have chosen the course of their own free will; others, like you, might have been given the course. Do well to make friends with them. Be friendly. Engage in intellectual and meaningful class conversations. Smile at people. Compliment them. Be ready to ask for help and offer help. Don’t be a lone ranger. (Because when you do, that’s really when you’re alone.) Don’t allow miserability to swallow you whole. It’s you against that feeling that threatens your being; what’s it going to be?

2. Reach out to your seniors

As mentioned above, certain people have threaded the path you’re currently on. They have made mistakes, so you don’t have to. Do well to reach out to the seniors in your department, particularly those at the 200 level. Ask them questions about the pros and cons of registering for this course or that course; inquire about the marking scheme and mode of teaching of your lecturers; and lastly, request useful materials.

3. Kick comparison and mediocrity to the curb

Something you will constantly struggle with in your journey as an undergraduate is comparison. How can she or he answer questions so accurately? I can too, if not that I am not an ‘I too know.’ If only my parents were rich, with my UME score, I’d be at a private university with my desired course. If only I had taken the first course Jamb gave me, I would have been in my final year by now.

If only. If only. If only. You have 4 to 5 years to spend at the university, and if you spend 70% of the time being sad about your situation, you’re fast on your way to becoming mediocre, below par, and just anyhow.

You’ve been through this ’If only’ path before, and we both know it’s not pretty. For this affliction not to arise a second time, avoid comparison and mediocrity. You are not them; they are not you. We all have different paths on this earth. Don’t be desirous of another’s. So anything you find your hands doing, do it well. Do not ever be lackadaisical about your course. Don’t copy and paste your assignments. Don’t use ChatGPT or AI to carry out your tasks. Yes, we said so. Brainstorm ideas. It’s not orthodox.

4. Extracurricular activities and moderation

Recently, the University of Lagos put up a scheme to allow students to take some courses on Coursera for free. If you have time on your hands, you can get involved in such activities. Likewise, there are debate and sports clubs that you can join. This way, you can get to meet new people with passion, cool off school stress, and establish connections for rainy days.

All these should be done in moderation; they shouldn’t be more prioritized than your studies. Every step you take should be with your eyes set as a flint on the prize. You’re at the university for a reason.

5. Practice mindfulness

To be honest, you will hear many degrading comments regarding your course. Whether from family members, neighbours or even old-time friends, you will hear it. And if you aren’t mindful, it’ll get to you and threaten your self-esteem.

However, what you can do is be bold about your course. There are areas in your course of study that will interest you. Go the extra mile to enjoy it. Develop ways to have fun while at it. Who knows, thoughts of transferring to another department might just vanish from your mind when you get to year two!

Also, be careful of who and what you listen to. Know when to tune out of certain conversations. Don’t engage in crass jokes about how your course is useless or unprofitable, as it will only plunge you into an endless pit of complaints and dissatisfaction. Don’t engage in cyberbullying to validate your inconsistencies.

Don’t know how to refrain from such? Or are you still burdened by your current situation? No worries. Something is being cooked for you at the UJCF’s freshmen program, happening at the Chapel of Christ our Light. We got you covered on all sides!